#9 Loving a Friend

I have several article to write, and haven't had it in me to write any of them. So, I'll start with this one.

#9 on my list: Show Tony love isn't emotions, and I'll always be his friend.

Without the gory, boring, girl details, I've loved Tony for a very long time. I knew for a while, we'd never be together romantically, but, staying his friend was always worth it. Worth the pain and suffering. He was in my life, somehow.

Tony and I recently took a trip together: as friends. It was fantastic and wonderful. It was surrounded by beer and adventure and running (the biggest things we had in common - beer, running, and an unsatiatable love of adventure), and great for both of us. Until, our last night. All of the stress and anger and EVERYTHING of the past few years came to a head. He and I had a falling out of monumental proportions. An unrecoverable one. This man I loved and trusted got physical with me in a few moments of ridiculous intoxication and belligerence.

The next day, I had to look this man in the eye and admit two things I never had to him:

1) I love him and will always love him in some capacity.

2) I couldn't pay for his sins anymore.

With that, I stopped caring for the man romantically. I'm a divorcee, and that was tougher than my divorce. At that point, it even ceased to be about emotions for me.

And...the best way to love him was to walk away, and try to get him help.

My heart ripped open. I'm not sure what hurt worse, the bruised ribs or my broken heart. Here's to Tony, and that he learns to control his emotions finds that perfect woman for him that I never could be. May he be that great man I know him to be.

*This picture is our last night together.

#12 - Boston

It’s been a while since I’ve crossed anything off my “Buried Life List;” so, it’s been a while since I’ve had anything to say…

WARNING: This is going to be more of a ramble, as I cannot describe this experience with anything witty.

On April 19, 2011, I ran the Boston Marathon, number 12 on the list.

I’ve debated for a while how to write this, because the experience really is so hard to describe in words. I guess, then, the best way to describe it is to tell the stories that meant the most to me!

I stayed in a hostel…yikes! That forced me to meet new friends; thus, making much of the blog a story of me and my new friends!

The morning before, I was going out for my day-before-marathon-keeping-loose one-miler. As I was about to head out, a guy saw me and indicated I should tag along. As we began to run, it became evident said guy did not speak English. But, we understood left and right and numbers. I believe he was from Italy, and as we ran, we found out he qualified with a 2:22 marathon (that would be one hour and eleven minutes faster than my qualifier). Yep. That’s a different league. Pretty sure I would never have had the opportunity absent Boston.

I spent that day at the expo, and met a new friend (Christina) to have the pre-marathon pasta (pronounce with a short “a” like cat) dinner.

The next morning, Christina and I set off for the school busses that drive us 26.2 miles outside of Boston where the race begins. We met another Christina on the way…

All three of us split as we all were in different corals; so, now it’s time to run!

I was pretty sure I would cry the entire time, or at minimum, when I finished. I only got a little teary at the beginning…HOLY MOLY I’M RUNNING BOSTON! Then, the adrenaline kicked in…

The race was something else. The most difficult race of my life. I left EVERYTHING on that road (where at one point is only 22 feet wide). I did not feel much, I just knew I had a goal, and it was that finish line in Boston, not the little towns we run through. No feelings, no emotions, no hunger, no pain…

The memorable points of the run were the guys jetting across the road to kiss the Wellesley girls, screaming “Sic ‘Em Bears!” around mile 16 to the random guy holding up a Baylor sign, and then Heartbreak Hills (yes, there are three…not one!). It’s the most AMAZING elation when you reach the top of the third one, the sidewalk chalk marking the end of the uphills…all down here from here. Conquering most runners’ arch nemesis! Then, the last 5K (where you enter Boston) is the most amazing experience I’ve had to date. The tens of thousands of spectators in Boston scream “USA” the entire way. I could run the Olympics for that!

Then we cross the finish line, and spectators, runners, random people on the street congratulate all the runners. THEY WANT THE RUNNERS THERE! It’s so much a part of that city! I got a little choked up at finishing, I knew I was within seconds of my goal (3:29:45, and I finished in 3:29:44). Side note: I thought that was sub-8, but sub-8 is 3:29:35, that’s next time!

The after party was spent with the second Christina. Burgers and beer, drinking at Fenway Park, and seeing the elite athletes at the House of Blues was fantastic! The next morning, it’s walking off the race (so you can move the rest of the week). I went from the Sam Adams brewery (met a couple of guys who run tris, and one happened to work at the same firm as I in DC), and finally to the North End for the most amazing canolis (3) EVER.

Alone, but making friends (that I’ll probably never see again), this weekend was top two of my life. Top celebrating the gift God has given me. It was worth the pain, sweat, blood (that’s from the three falls), and tears from training during busy season…and not sleeping. Let’s HOPE I’m accepted next year to run! WORTH.EVERY.MOMENT.

Someone Else's List

I've seen this before. It's a great list. A few even touch some nerves...

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come...
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Item # 17

This weekend I checked two items off of my Baylor list. I went to George's and had a Big O' Beer, and I went to Scruffy Murphy's. My Baylor bestie and I made a few other stops along the way, and I experienced a little of Baylor how she saw it. I have to say it was a blast, and my fave stop was Scruffy Murphy’s, which could only be described as a dive, a hole in the wall. We ate too much - had "Baylor Beggers" - which is unlimited yeast rolls with ranch for a dipping sauce, fried pickles, and this mess of nachos. We had beers at Treff's, Crickets, Scruffy Murphy's, and finished the night off at Whataburger...I mean, you have to! Then today, we toured campus...saw Lady and Joy (the bears) - even had the trainer get Lady to do "Sic 'Em Bears,” recruited a few new students, clapped on the star, and had Dr. Pepper floats.

Baylor asides/explanations: I will never get tired of clapping on the star! There is a star on the ground, directly in the middle of campus. When you stand on it and make any noise, even talking in a normal voice, you hear the echo, but no one around you does. A real Dr. Pepper float is not made with Dr. Pepper out of a can. It starts with Blue Bell ice cream (is there other ice creams??), pour the Dr. Pepper syrup on top, and then mix with the carbonated water from a real soda fountain. It's heaven - especially for a Bear!

I’ve now had one last Baylor trip before I continue my path to a different map dot.

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like for me if I didn't make the choices I did while at Baylor, and today was a nice glimpse of that world. We all have a path, and mine is curvy with detours and gravel roads (aren’t all of ours), but it’s good. It’s what’s right for me, even if I can’t see the end, skin my knee every now and again, and forget all of these things. That's what this blog is about: the path. A particular path, the adventure of accomplishing a few things I'm sure I won't regret.

Now it's time to tell the story of number 17 - talk to a stranger I normally wouldn't.

I turned 26 two weeks ago, and was pretty (or really) depressed about it. I know it's not old, that's not the problem I had. The problem was it was very clear on that day that I'm now closer to 30 than 20, and my path looks nothing like I thought it would at 20, when I wasn’t jaded and the world still held fairy tales. All my hurts and fears thus far were evident and weighing heavily on me that day.

After my wonderful friends had brunch and mimosas with me (I wanted a low key birthday), I took a nap. A nap can cure any bad day, right? WRONG! It didn't cure that bad day, so I took the less than classy method (such a classy blog today) and decided I needed to go drink. And I did. After several beers, and swinging on the porch swing at my local bar, I decided I needed more comfort. So, I asked this older guy sitting by himself for a cigarette - yes, I know, save the lectures. Well, old guy was not content with letting me have my alone “let me be depressed” time, and wanted to chat. So, for a couple hours, I sat and chatted with a man who is my mother's age. AWKWARD! I don't like men talking to me very much, and he did like to talk. But, instead of cutting him off, I chatted and enjoyed the conversation. It wasn't exactly a win of a conversation, but it definitely showed me that I have a lot of growing to do. I'm not sure I can even call this a completion of item 17, more of a practice round.

My big lesson from our chat: I need more practice talking to strangers not like me.

The Lists

So lately...well, the past year...I've started making lists of things I want to accomplish or adventures I want to have.

This pic tells part of the story of my current three lists. 1) It's a bear, and one of my list is about Baylor Bears! 2) It was taken out West, which is calling me away from my Houston home. 3) It was taken on an adventure from my third list!

Since this blog is about those adventures, I should share those lists.

The first one was created on the night I moved into my apartment, when a fellow Baylor Bear learned there were a few Baylor things/college fun I've never done/had. That's how this whole list obsession started.

1. George's
2. Karaoke
3. Beer Pong
4. Scruffy’s
5. Flip Cup

The goal is to finish these things by 30, then, she says I'll be too old... :-(

Well, I have Karaoke'ed - RockbandScaraoke so counts at Halloween! And, during a debaucherous night in Key West, I did play beer pong (with a boy whom I did kick his rear, I might add).

We are taking care of George's with a "Big O" - look it up non-Baylor peeps, and Scruffy's next weekend. YEAH. Sic 'Em!

The next list is my most recent. Since, I'm currently working on moving out West, I realized there were a few Houston fun things I had to do once, or one more time, before I move.

1. Ferrago brunch with bottomless mimosas
2. Keemah boardwalk
3. BIG mararitas at Cyclone's
4. BOOTS! and two-stepping
5. Taco's-a-go-go breakfast tacos
6. Sit at the fountain wall

Yep, pretty much got those down. I just need to do Cyclone's and dancing one more time! I'll need some quiet time in the next few weeks, and then I'll be sitting by the fountain.

My final list is the basis for this blog. I wrote it based on a CNN article talking about MTV's show "The Burried Life." It's my bucket list that I hope keeps growning!

I know some are kind of standard, and depending on how well you know me, you may be rolling your eyes.

1. Take a vacation by myself
2. Skydive
3. Mission trip to the Middle East
4. Live in NYC
5. Live overseas
6. Visit my brother everwhere he’s stationed
7. Work a shelter/soup kitchen for Thanksgiving
8. Relearn French
9. Lean Spanish
10. Show lovers that love isn’t emotions, and I’ll always be there.
11. Show love, be a light.
12. Climb a mountain
13. Run Boston
14. Run a sub-8 marathon
15. Run a half iron-man
16. Look my ex-husband in the eye and apologize for not loving him the way I should
17. Talk to a stranger I normally wouldn’t

I've actually already accomplished 1. and 17. I've talked about 1. and 17. is soon to come! What an adventure life is! I really want mine to be full!

Why I added Item # 17

I made one New Year's Resolution this year: to love better and to love everyone I meet.

I made that resolution in total bliss, sitting in a hammock, without a care in this world. Well, so far, 2010 has not turned out as planned (those who know me, know that's an understatement), and my New Year's Resolution has gone off course. I've become fairly selfish and self-indulgent.

One of the ways that I can be totally selfish is my absolute self-preservation instinct.

To be fair, I am a single woman, living alone in the fourth largest city in the nation, so I do have to be careful...but do I take that overboard sometimes? Yes, I do have reason to be adamant about my self-preservation (one apartment burglarized in broad daylight, on a Saturday, while a creep dug through my undies is enough thank-you-very-much). But, it all goes back to the same point: do I take it too far, to the point of selfishness?

I came to this realization on my trip to Cali. I was walking on the Santa Monica pier, when this attractive guy around my age, attempted to talk to me. It was obvious he had just left work somewhere on the pier, in one of the restaurants. He was a little shy, and you could tell it took quite a bit of his courage to say anything. Why is it that only the fact he was a stranger could totally turn me off to even give him the time of day?! The poor guy was only trying to be friendly, and I just TOTALLY shut down and turned cold. I mean, really? Am I that selfish that I can't have a conversation with a friendly stranger? I couldn't give him a few minutes of my time in a crowded public place?

This really hit me hard the rest of the time I was there. Have I totally given up on showing love to everyone around me? Or, am I only going to show love to those that somehow benefit me?

Then it struck me, item number 17: Talk to a stranger that I normally wouldn't.

Item 1 - Vacay by myself!

Item 1 completed: a vacation by myself.

I have spent the past four days completely self indulgent and doing only what I want. It was refreshing and fun...especially a single rider at DisneyLand. ;-)

But, I learned a few lessons, too.

1) I can be completely alone. I can do this. I can make this upcoming move.

2) Hugs are nice. Other than a hand shake, I haven't had physical contact with another human in four days. I miss hugs.

3) DisneyLand gives you 2% moments in the morning. I'm sure they go away when the kids start acting up, but, to be honest, I didn't notice. I was enjoying my 10 minute waits for rides.

4) I can (still) conquer fears. I will ride almost any thrill ride, but until yesterday, I had never rode a free fall ride. That for some reason was off limits. I rode two yesterday. 8-)

5) This move is going to take a lot of trust in God. Not to mention, a lot of trust, period. I suck at that. Maybe that's why God is pushing me this way? I'm going to have to rent an apartment sight-unseen...gulp...and a very good possibility with a roommate (haven't done that since my sophomore year of college)...and most probably through craigslist! TERRIFYING! I am going to have to walk by faith and not sight.

6) I'm really excited about my move, but, equally terrified.

7) New "Bucket"/"Burried Life" list item: Hold a conversation with stranger I normally wouldn't when he/she starts it.